I’m a copper and I bloody love nicking people

Michael Cargill

Oy, Dave here. I’m a copper, yeah, and if there is one thing I love about my job it’s that I can slap somepig-cop handcuffs on someone and tell ‘em “You’re bloody nicked, mate.” It don’t matter who you are or what your job is, I can nick you and I would love every single bloody moment of it, no word of a lie. I might even give you a little dig or a slap if you start to get on my tits, so make sure you behave yourself once those beauties are on. Now, believe me when I say that I ain’t a woofter, but the moment my guv’nor at the station slams his fist on the desk and shouts “Lads, get out there and nick some bloody crims,” I want to give him a big kiss. If he told me to dig up my dear old grandad and…

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