The Hidden Danger in Families #coercivecontrol

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I love writing about people – especially people in families. There is such a richness of emotion, of action, within families. Nowhere else will love and loyalty vie with dislike and disloyalty, (even hatred in some case), pride with resentment, happiness with complete sadness. Nowhere else are human beings so close.


With The Stranger in my House, I wanted to explore a situation that would completely turn around the characteristic of a family. And I knew that needed to be something drastic. And that the family had to have a weakness within it it. And that weakness in the Collins family was grief, the sadness of losing the mother, the centre of their world. The father Graham is still grieving, bewildered, struggling to cope with running a business and trying to look after his children, eight-year-old twins, Chloe and Charlie.That “something drastic”; the situation that would completely change the characteristic of this family arrives in the form of Lynne, the district nurse who cared for Anna, the wife and mother of the family, who died when the twins were six. Lynne continued to call on Graham after Anna died and slowly but surely becomes part of his life… and consequently of the twins lives, when she and Graham marry.

I’ve always known about coercive control, although that’s not what it’s been called until these last few years. But it’s always been the patriarchal control, the accepted head of the family situation of past times, I was initially aware of. The earliest of my books, A Hundred Tiny Threads the prequel to the Haworth trilogy, is set after WW1 and the protagonist’s father, Bill, is a man of that era; he totally controls the family: by his moods, his temper, his fists.


But these days control of any sort is identified as coercive control, and it’s recognised that this can result in psychological damage that can last for life. It’s difficult, sometimes, for the victim to make sense of what’s happening, to see it as abuse. It’s like imprisoning someone, restricting everything they are. They are robbed of their independence, and their confidence is slowly undermined. It destroys who they are.

Anyone can be guilty of being a coercive controller. And guilt is the right word, because, today, it’s viewed as a crime. To totally have control over another adult human being is a crime. It’s shown in so many ways: physical assault, threats, humiliation, intimidation or other abuse intended to harm, punish or frighten. The perpetrator gaslights the victim by denying things have happened, using the confusion to control, criticising everything they do and say. Victims suffer in silence.

Which is what Graham in The Stranger in my House does, he tells no one, feels completely useless. Isolated, he has no control over what happens to his children or his life.
And neither do his children.

But children grow up. Chloe and Charlie become young adults with minds of their own…

The Stranger in my House: https://bit.ly/3DGwMCU

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24 thoughts on “The Hidden Danger in Families #coercivecontrol”

  1. Hi, Judith! Before i will forget and lastly remember on Easter :-), let me wish you a happy and blessed New Year! Thanks for the reminder on your book. It sounds very interesting, as every family can become horror. I am sure i will have greatest entertainment. Best wishes, Michael

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  3. I love this book and it depicts the insidious nature of coercive control so well. At times, I felt as helpless as the family and prayed for the situation to be seen for what it was. It really did bring the situation home to me and how difficult it must be to recognise what’s happening and break free from it. It’s a terrific read! xx

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  8. I thought this book was great, Judith. As a counselor, I knew about coercive control, but it was so hard to watch it happening to this family. I’ll admit to being very mad at Graham, especially in the beginning, but I get it, and you pulled it off beautifully. Congrats.

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